The Announcement

A Quick Note: The following story "The Announcement" was actually written as a part of the NYCMidnight's 2009 Flash Fiction Contest. I had 24 hours to write a 1000 word political satire that mentioned an air conditioner and that took place in a recording studio. I had never written a real political satire before and typed up a bunch of hooey before arriving at this, which I was still a bit surprised to see qualified. Though I had 48 hours to pull it together instead of 1/2 an hour, I feel that this tale is still a Silly Story at its heart and very center, and since I know not what else to do with it, here is just as good a home as any. Since I'm spending the next two days in D.C., it is also a rather fitting way to kick off the re-revival.

"The Announcement"

 

Media adjusted his mic again, checked the levels one more time, and tapped the counter.

“Excuse me,” said Liberty, pushing her crown back up, “I don’t mean to be a bother, but can we get started? The heat in here is killer and this ever burning torch is well. . . ever burning.”

“That’s not what I heard,” Church said, grinding his teeth.

“I’m sorry,” Media said. “I placed a work order for the air conditioner a week ago. I’m dying in here. They’re really slow. I’m thinking of doing a story on it actually. Give a human face to it—”

“Before we get too hasty,” State said eyeing the silent device in the window, “did you fill the form out correctly?”

“They kept sending it back to me. Something about procedure.”

State nodded. “It seems they know what they’re doing then.”

“Freedom of speech aside,” Liberty cut in, “I’d really appreciate if we could get a move on.” She smiled politely, waving her torch again for Media to see.

Media checked his dials one more time. “I can’t convince you to go on live? The station’s got central air.”

“Tempting,” said Liberty, “but Justice prefers an uninterrupted recording. This studio will do.”

Justice nodded and adjusted her damp blindfold.

“Ok,” said Media and pressed record. “Good Evening! We’ve got a little bit different of a show for you tonight. I’ve still got celebrities, but tonight’s theme is togetherness. No, no big reunions. This relationship is over 200 years old. Please welcome the very beautiful, Lady Liberty and, her partner in the pursuit of happiness, Lady Justice. And here with them tonight, both famous and infamous, Church and State! Welcome.

Now Miss Liberty, it seems that you have a very astonishing announcement that you want to make to the American public.”

“Indeed we do. For years now the public has been aware of mine and Justice’s partnership.”

“And what a beautiful partnership it is.”

“Well, we would agree,” continued Liberty, “and that’s why we want the world to know of it as it truly is.”

Justice reached over and rubbed the top of Liberty’s knee gently.

Media immediately wished he had talked them into doing a televised interview instead.

“We’re getting married,” she finished.

Media immediately regretted not pushing harder for a live show.

“Officially—” began Justice.

“I just want to say that I disapprove,” said Church strongly. “Not of their love. Although it’s against most of my religions, it’s been bloody obvious for years! The real issue is how it reflects on State and I as their roommates. We already have a questionable reputation.”

“Rumors,” said State. “Only rumors. Polls indicate that few believe it.”

“Someone believed it!” Church went on in a fluster. “Why else would they bother working up so much paper work to officially separates us?”

“Precautions,” State sighed. “Procedure.”

Justice nodded.

“Are you implying the precautions aren't necessary?” asked Media.

“Not exactly,” said State, “but the fear that taking such measures indicates is simply absurd. Church and I don’t want to be legally paired and never will be. It’s bad enough living with him. Don’t get me wrong. He’s a really nice guy. Wonderful cook, throws fabulous shindigs, great taste for wine. But a horrible roommate. Leaves dirty laundry everywhere. . . But what can you do? The economy and all that. Got to do what you have to.” State waved his hand loosely to emphasize his point.

“Yes,” said Media, “everything is due to the bad economy. But do you take Church’s position on the ladies’ announcement?”

“It’s complicated,” said State.

“I respect their concern for their reputation,” said Liberty, “but it’s time. Justice and I deserve a legitimate, public marriage.”

“Public? What’s not public about it now? They hold hands and kiss everywhere they go!” Church cried.

“On the cheek,” Liberty said.

“All girls do that,” said State, fanning himself with the air conditioner’s instruction manual.

Justice shook her head.

“All girls do not do that,” said Church. “Just like you tried to convince me that all roommates get a little drunk now and again and accidently make out! It just isn’t true!”

Liberty sighed, switched her torch to her other hand. Media’s jaw was hanging open. He barely had time to confirm he was still recording.

“He spiked my seltzer,” explained Church.

“Everyone makes mistakes,” said State. “I spiked your seltzer cause I wanted you to loosen up a bit. The other part. . . Well, I was so drunk I thought you were Liberty.”

“When are you just going to accept that Liberty loves Justice more than you? No wonder you can’t see their lesbian flaunting,” Church demanded, exasperated.

Justice sighed.

“I would hardly call it flaunting,” said Liberty.

“You know,” said Media, “Church does have a point. You two have a reputation for being friendly. Also, there is the matter of the pictures of you and Justice groping each other at the last inauguration.”

“Oh, Justice had a piece of fuzz on her chest. That’s all.”

Justice blushed.

“No it wasn’t,” said Church loosening his collar. “Even if it was, I’m surprised how quickly that went over. Sure, the pictures are bouncing around dorm rooms, but otherwise— no backlash. Nothing. But State tries to knock a tea bug off my back at a picnic and everyone goes wild! We’re just friends!”

“It was a nasty bug,” said State, “and I wouldn’t even go as far as to call us friends. As for the pictures of the ladies, lesbians are more acceptable than gay men.”

Justice shook her head and frowned. Church looked puzzled.

“They’re sexy,” continued State, “and possibly not completely gay.”

Media nodded in agreement.

“You may be right on one count," sighed Church.

“I've been with a woman for centuries!" cried Liberty. "The same woman. Which brings me to our next announcement: We’re pregnant.”

“That’s not possible,” cried Church and State.

“They have a point,” said Media, his eyes wide.

“Oh, new technologies can do wonders!” said Liberty. “We plan to name our first born Compromise.”

“I can’t abide this,” said Church.

“We shouldn’t need anyone’s permission,” said Liberty. “Thank you, Media, for listening, but I believe the interview is through.”

Liberty stood, took Justice’s hand, and together they walked out.

“This is Inconceivable,” said Church.

“This is complicated,” said State.

“This is news!” said Media.

The air conditioner remained silent.